10 Things I Experience as Someone with a Schizophrenia Spectrum Disorder
Schizophrenia is a complicated chronic illness that is characterized by a difficulty distinguishing between reality and hallucinations and delusions. Disorganized speech and thinking are symptoms as well.
Those with schizophrenia often experience the world differently than most. These experiences are best explained and shown with the EASE-scale (Examination of Anomalous Self Experience). The EASE is based on self experiences described by those suffering from schizophrenia and schizophrenia spectrum disorders.
Schizophrenia is often times only known for it psychosis component, so it should be noted that the experiences listed below are experiences that happen outside of psychosis, these are normal, everyday experiences of living with schizophrenia.
1) Thought blocking
Thought blocking can be experienced in a few different ways. First, it can be experienced as the sudden loss of a thought with no new thought taking its place. Second, it can be experienced as a thought fading into the background, maybe disappearing as it fades. Thirdly, it can be experienced as the loss of a thought, either sudden or fading, with the intrusion of a new thought at the same time. A lot of times this experience is experienced as a sudden emptiness of thoughts but isn’t required.
2) Disorder of short-term memory
Memory is the encoding, storage, and retrieval of information. Short-term memory specifically deals with remembering things after seconds or minutes, whereas long term memory involves a longer period of time. In this experience, short term memory is very diminished. Typically, something explained or shown just a few minutes ago can be interpreted and understood, however the ability to recall and repeat what was said is greatly diminished and usually impossible.
Of note, memory deficits are one of the most consistently reported symptoms.
3) Identity Confusion
In this experience, the boundaries of self and others become blended or non-existent. The experience of having other people or things close to you can result in feeling as you are that person or thing. This results from a diminished sense of basic self.
It can also be experienced as having no real true definition of who “I” am and therefore lead to a lot of identity changes - involving everything from change of religion to body modification. The sense of self and how it is appreciated is greatly impacted.
4) Diminished Transparency of Consciousness
A reoccurring feeling of not being fully alert or present. The act of feeling conscious is in some way diminished or fading out.
5) Derealization
This experience is one where you feel detached or removed from your surroundings. The world may begin to feel strange and unreal. You may feel disconnected from it or like there is a glass wall separating you from your experience with the world. Surroundings sometimes appear differently than they normally would - blurry, out of focus, etc. The meaning and purpose of the world may be unclear or changed. The world appears as strange. There may also be an experience of intrusive derealization - an experience where the expression of the world changes and you are captivated by details of perception and each detail has more significance than it normally would. The details are intrusive and all-consuming.
Derealization can sometimes be confused with depersonalization or diminished presence but it should be noted that in derealization, the feeling of change is coming from the outside world, not from inside the person.
6) Solipsistic-Like Experiences
The feeling of being a unique subject in the world. This can come with a sense of extraordinary abilities or powers.
The core experience of solipsistic-like experiences is that you are very focused on your experience and only your experience, you have little thought or regard for the people or things around you.
This experience can sound, and be, very selfish-like but this shouldn’t be confused with someone who may have a very solipsistic-like personality.
7) Confusion with the Other
Confusion with other sounds a lot of like identity confusion, but in confusion with other, rather than being confused about which person you are in an experience, the confusion lies in knowing where thoughts, feelings, or emotions have originated from.
You may have a thought that is your own, but you’re unable to identify it as your own, and often times can confuse the thought as coming from someone close to you or around you. Emotions you experience sometimes feel as though they are the emotions of others, experienced through you.
8) Dissociative Depersonalization
In this experience, it is typically felt as an “out of body” experience. The feeling of being outside of the body, watching from the outside, or having the experience of observing the self from far away is most common. Feeling detached from your emotions and thoughts is common.
Unlike derealization, in depersonalization the feeling of change is coming from within you.
9) Primary Self-Reference Phenomena
Feeling or sensing a link between self and external events or other people. This occurs when there is nothing logically linking the two.
10) I-Split
This experience occurs when there is a splitting of the experience of “I” or self. There is a feeling of being divided and not being a unified whole. Sometimes it can feel as though the divided selves are battling one another. Other times the multiple sides just exist together.
This sounds, and is experienced, as very similar to DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder).
In an I-split, you may feel as though you are two different people but you identify with yourself as being both sides, just split.
Needless to say, schizophrenia is a complicated illness with lots of unique and diversified experiences. These experiences may be less known in the discussion of schizophrenia but they’re just as important as they are every day occurrences for those living with a schizophrenia spectrum disorder.
Have you ever had these experiences? Please comment below with your experience to help others feel less alone!
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