Reset from Rock Bottom
Rock bottom. Everyones idea of rock bottom may look a little different, but we all know when we feel like we’ve hit it ourselves. In a world full of responsibility and time constraints, how do we bounce back with the least amount of damage in the shortest amount of time? Where do we even begin?
My biggest gripe with most life reset plans or bounce back plans is that they really are not made for those who struggle from a place of mental illness. They are made for people who are learning how to manage life - not learning how to manage life AND an illness.
So, let’s start from the beginning.
Know what’s important!
When we find ourselves at rock bottom, it’s most likely we will also find ourselves in panic mode. Biologically, when in panic mode, our brains are not at their peak performance with reason and logic. The amygdala, where we process our most intense emotions like fear, becomes the most activated part of our brain during panic. This is also where our flight or fight response is activated. Not helpful when attempting to calm the storm so you can begin to put the pieces back together.
So what’s most important?
US. We are most important right now. It may feel wrong to focus so much on yourself and what you need when there is so much screaming for your attention because it’s been lacking but focusing on you is the best foundation you can build for tackling all of those other things that need you too. You cannot keep giving from an empty tank - there is nothing left to give. Nourishing your own needs first, by design, will help you begin to build the motivation (AND DESIRE) to begin tackling the other needs too.
Start with yourself: Self Care
When it comes to your basic needs (hygiene, food, sleep, etc), where would you put yourself on a scale of 1-10?
What do you need most to function every day?
What things can you do that will help you function better or feel better?
The goal is not to go from 0 to 10. The goal is start to create foundational building blocks that help support you being able to do more each day.
Guidelines to follow:
Sleep is a non-negotiable when it comes to getting back on track.
You will not think or feel better until you’re getting the proper amount of sleep each night. This may feel impossible to do with all the other things you NEED to do right now, but the reality is you do less and do things at a less than optimal degree when you’re lacking in sleep. Sleep needs to be a priority.
Do something every day that makes you FEEL physically better.
For me, I started a skincare routine. I’ve never had a skincare routine in my 34 years of living until 6 months ago. I chose to do this EVERY SINGLE DAY despite what was happening around me as a way to say “I care about myself”, even on the days it was a struggle to do so. I started out with just moisturizer so it was a VERY SIMPLE, very easy, very rewarding 1 thing to do each day that laid the foundation for even more.
Some other examples: 7 minute workouts, 10 minutes of yoga, brushing your teeth
Do something every day that makes you FEEL mentally better.
For me, this looked like reading a book every day for 10 minutes. I love reading. Knowledge feels like power to me. It makes me feel like I’m actively learning and growing. What gives you this feeling? Do that!
Some other examples: painting, journaling, digital art, drawing, fiction writing
The goal is to begin doing things that give you boosts or spurts of energy and enjoyment, to help begin making the tasks that are more necessary but more draining easier to begin and accomplish.
For me, this looked like:
Setting hours to go to bed and wake up and not straying from them. No matter how busy I was or how much I had left to do, these hours were one of my musts. (This doesn’t mean you don’t slip up, it just means this should be your first priority. It’s still a learning curve if you’ve never done this before, so be easy with yourself too!)
Putting moisturizer on my face when I woke up and before I went to bed. This one tiny act of self-care did loads to boost my self-confidence and ability when it comes to caring for myself, especially in the small ways that really add up. The small things really do matter.
Reading for 10 minutes every day. This was not only about stimulating my mind and creativity, but also set the foundation to stop feeling fear if I wasn’t doing enough. It was something I made a priority because it was one of the few times in a day I could tell myself “it’s okay to just exist and relax.” It was honestly very difficult to relax at first but now it’s a key thing I use to help calm me when things feel too overwhelming and I need a way to break myself from the feelings or the NEED to do something more.
Next, begin to tackle home life.
What is the hardest thing to do when you’re faced with resetting your life from the ground up? Being honest about where you are.
Not being honest about where you are will only hold you back from making progress. You have to be willing to own up and accept where you are right now in every aspect.
Being honest with yourself at this point can sometimes be difficult, so be easy and gentle on yourself when needing to do this.
Get your favorite drink, your favorite notebook, and your favorite comfy clothes - then sit down and do the work.
Living space - home cleaning - organization
Where are you right now?
What does your living space look like?
What is most important for you to tackle first?
What things will you FEEL the best about once done?
What are some small things you can do that will have a big impact on how you function or feel?
This can be one of the most overwhelming ones to acknowledge. But BE HONEST. And START SMALL.
Write down one thing you’re going to tackle tomorrow that will help improve your living space.
I know from experience that sometimes only one thing is possible. Don’t overwhelm yourself. This isn’t a race. The purpose behind starting where you are is to make sure you end up where you want to end up. That takes consistency and small, tiny steps.
It may feel necessary to tackle your home and cleaning all in one giant go but this doesn’t build a foundation that is sustainable over the long run and you are way more likely to fall back into the bad habits or situations that got you here in the first place.
The key to building cleaning habits that last is being realistic about what you can manage and shaping your living environment and schedule around what looks realistic and manageable for YOU.
What this looks like over time:
Day 1 - go through home and throw all trash in trash bag
Day 2 - go through home and throw all trash in trash bag + put all dirty dishes in sink
The idea is to maintain the work you’ve done by slowly adding a new thing each day or every other day (use the time frame that you think you can manage best). Be careful not to let thoughts of what you “think” you should be doing each day muddy the waters. Like I said before, being honest with yourself about your abilities is 100% necessary when it comes to building a foundation you can eventually thrive with.
Set yourself up for success
Setting yourself up for success is key to having this all come together in a way that allows you to slowly take back control of the different parts of your life. Your plan doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t have to be pretty, it just needs to be functional and something you will use.
Routine is one of the biggest things we can utilize to make life easier and get back on track.
When I was at my lowest, I set up a checklist of a generic day in my life to follow. This helped me stop worrying about what I needed to do or should be doing - that was already decided via my list. The only rule: Don’t stray from the list. You don’t have to be perfect but keep coming back to the list.
Remember, the list is a pre-determined way to navigate the things you need to do each day. The list is much more reliable than the emotions that may be pushing us to ditch the list or stray from it one day to do something else.
If you’ve missed one or two things that day, don’t throw in the towel for the day, go back to your list. If you aren’t perfect with your list, keep trying anyways. The goal is not to be perfect, it’s to begin to develop a routine and habits that are a solid foundation for learning and being able to manage the many parts of your life.
I strongly suggest using a technology based form of tracking at first. This method only takes 1 time to set up and uses the least energy for checking off your list and maintaining a record of how you’re doing.
If you’re set on using paper, I would suggest a journal specifically for this. Taking a half hour in advance to set up multiple days of tracking for yourself so that you don’t need to do the process daily. Setting up in advance will definitely help protect you against the days you really don’t have the energy for anything extra.
For an example of one created using google forms - see here. If you’re a Notion junkie like me, here is one created with Notion.
The key is not to bombard yourself doing all of these things every single day. The key is to stick to the structure as much as possible. Some days it will be easier than others, expect that because it’s normal! Some days you’ll do awesome and some days you’ll only hit one or two targets and that’s okay. But sticking with the schedule each day with help you begin to build a foundation of habits that automatically begin setting you up for success.
The biggest key is to not give up!!
Some key tips and pointers for success:
Be flexible. If something is not working for you after a few days, try something else. You need to make systems that work WITH you so you develop a flow - do not try forcing yourself into a system or routine that works for someone else because that may not be what works best for you!
Building habits that last is a process; sustainable habits are ones that are built over time. It can seem hard in the beginning but you will notice the benefits most when you begin recognizing you do some of these things on autopilot from repetition - leaving your brain to spend less energy in these places and leave more energy for other tasks. Even better, you will begin to realize that you can slowly begin to do MORE over time without the mental battle as you settle into a routine with habits.
Be easy on yourself. Be honest with yourself about where you are starting from (without judgment) and just begin. No expectations of what you need or should be doing today, tomorrow, or the day after that. Stick to your plan, add slowly, and know that this is a journey to getting well again. It will not happen overnight.
Feel free to email me for questions and tips at sandralee@courageousdissociation.com!
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